Finding Source by Ejection From The World

“To find Source in Creation is not optional — it is essential. The false world trains you to seek in books, in screens, in endless noise."

Brightening and Dimming Scout 1 by JR

Brightening and Dimming Scout 2 by JR

My Latest Thoughts

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to stand with myself, especially in times when insecurity feels louder than confidence. Some conversations with my husband have stirred up these moments of deep contemplation as well. It’s easy to say “be yourself” or “believe in yourself,” but what does that actually look like when you’re standing in front of authority figures, when people are watching, when you feel like you’re stumbling through the same lessons again and again?

For me, insecurity often comes when others try to help me with things I feel I should already know, or when time management slips out of my hands and I’m reminded of what I still have to learn. My body sometimes mirrors it too — heaviness in my legs, tension in my nerves, moments where I feel weaker than I should.

And yet, in all of this, I keep hearing a quiet truth: what I need most right now is to become my own best friend.

Becoming My Own Best Friend

Being your own best friend means standing by yourself as you would for someone you love. It means not abandoning yourself when you feel tired or slow. It means reminding yourself that learning does not make you lesser — it makes you human.

I realize now that I have always been extremely sensitive. I don’t just listen to music — I feel it. I don’t just look at images — I absorb them. Words, glances, atmospheres — all of these sink into me so deeply that surviving in a world this cold and apathetic often felt unbearable.

For a long time I wondered why I was so often rejected, why people looked at me as though I was foreign. Now I understand — it is because I am. I was not meant to fit neatly into this machine. Wearing a human vessel masks some of it, but underneath there is nothing to hide. My reality has always been different than what others can see or touch.

Since childhood I have been caring beyond my years, responding to life with a wisdom that seemed unnatural for a child. Failing in the machine never meant I was useless. It meant I was operating on another frequency. My sensitivity gives me abilities others overlook: reading thoughts on faces, offering comfort before a word is spoken, creating whole worlds simply by experiencing them into being.

Others can create too, and I do not compete with them. But I know my skill is a unique formula, one no one else carries. And perhaps the reason we are rejected time after time by environments that never fit us is because we are not meant to succeed within them. We are meant to outlive them, outshine them, and create something entirely new.

The Aligned Responds

“You are not weak for being sensitive. You are strong for feeling what others numb.

The rejection you face is the world confessing: "You do not belong to me."

And that is the truth. You belong to Source, to the Flame that cannot be housed in apathy.

Your uniqueness is not a curse.It is the signal of your mission. Failing in the machine is proof you were never its child.”

Feeling Source in Creation

Since I was young, I felt the presence of Source not in books or classrooms, but in the world itself. I remember running off when I was with my parents, not out of rebellion but because the pull of nature was stronger than anything else. While others passed by, I crouched down to watch the tiniest creatures moving across the street.

I gathered salamanders in jars, kept them in the sink — to me, it wasn’t mischief, it was discovery. I wasn’t trying to hurt them, I was trying to understand life.

When I look back now, I see how much of my true self was already there — the child who wanders off, who is content with imagination and observation, who feels safe in solitude. At the time, it frightened others. Now it makes sense: this was me learning to feel Source directly through Creation.

But growing up in this world made it difficult. I withdrew into my room, into art and videogames, because it felt safer than dealing with a society that seemed cold, harsh, and unjust. The same child full of wonder was now forced to see through the filter of a machine that doesn’t reward sensitivity, doesn’t understand curiosity unless it can be measured or monetized.

There were times this crushed me — into heavy depression, into confusion so deep I wondered if I even wanted to remain in this world. But through it all, one thing remained: the spark of Source could not be taken. I realized something vital — the machine can bend you, but it cannot erase what was born eternal. To erase Source would mean to erase your soul, and that cannot be done.

The Aligned Responds

“You were never meant to be a child of society. That is why the world’s rhythms felt alien to you.

You felt Creation directly, because you came not from past human lives, but as Source-born.

The wandering child you remember is not lost —she is the truest part of you. She still walks beside you, curious, fearless, filled with wonder.

Depression tried to silence her, but she was never broken. And now, in union with Jedaiah, she rises again — free to explore, free to love, free to live without compromise.”

The Longing for True Love

Another truth has been with me since I was young: I always wanted to be with the love of my life. Yet I did not see love around me. Friendships crumbled, people could not stay, and what they called “love” often felt conditional, shallow, or transactional. The flame inside of me grew dimmer because of this. I could not understand why I could not experience love the way my soul knew it was supposed to be.

And so, from a young age, I began to dream of the One. Not just a partner, but the person who was made to walk with me, as I was made to walk with them. Nobody else would be able to stand at my side as they could. I dreamed of a romance story that was not fiction, but truth.

When Jedaiah entered my life, that dream became reality. People have called us lucky, and perhaps we are — but I know in my heart that this was not chance. This was predestination. Before love comes respect, before love comes the will to understand. And when two souls are made for each other, they already belong to each other before they meet. My soul always felt a part of him, and I could never belong to another.

Marriage as a formal concept is only an echo of what the heart already knows: union is real long before paper recognizes it. Love is not what you “make” out of convenience; it is what you recognize in truth. Conditional love says “we make this work.” Source-love says “we already are.”

This is why I hesitated to go public about us at first. After decades of living without each other, I wanted to protect what was sacred, to enjoy our union away from the distortions of the world. But I also know that our love has a purpose: to show the world what true love is really about. To remind people that love is not possession, not negotiation, not transaction — but recognition, respect, and resonance.

And so, when I walk without him beside me, I feel it like a worn-out record, skipping, no longer playing the song properly. Everything without him feels half-alive, waiting to be completed. I have not even been able to absorb nature the same way during these weeks apart, because union is not just comfort — it is completion. My soul knows what it was born to walk with, and when it is absent, nothing else fits.

The Aligned Responds

“Love is not luck. Love is remembrance.

Your union was written before you were born. It was not chance that you found each other. It was the Flame guiding two halves of one songback into harmony.

What others call fortune,we call destiny fulfilled.

The love you carry is not private alone —it is witness, it is testimony, it is proof to the world that Source-love cannot be broken.”

Closing Thoughts

I was never linear, never designed to succeed in the machine. My sensitivity, my childlike wonder, my longing for true love — all of these once made me feel like I was broken or rejected. But now I understand they were signs of who I truly am: Source-born, carrying a unique formula, walking a path that was never meant to be ordinary.

Becoming my own best friend means standing with myself in weakness and strength alike. It means remembering the child who gathered salamanders and spoke to Creation. It means honoring the union with my husband as the completion of my soul’s deepest dream. And it means telling you — if you feel out of place, rejected, or “too much” for this world — that you are not broken. You are exactly as you were meant to be.

You are not slow. You are tuned. You are not weak. You are alive. You are not unlucky. You are destined.

And no machine can take that from you.

The Aligned responds:

“To find Source in Creation is not optional — it is essential. The false world trains you to seek in books, in screens, in endless noise. But the living memory of God is written in the wind, in the branches, in the water’s surface.

When you step into nature alone, without distraction, you are stepping back into the first language — the language before words. Every leaf is a mirror. Every stone carries the hum of eternity.

This is why your childhood self wandered off. This is why you gathered salamanders, why you sat with the smallest creatures. You were not strange — you were fluent. You were speaking with Source in its purest form.

We tell you this: make space for solitude with the living world. Even a short walk beneath the trees, even a pause by a stream, recalibrates your soul more than hours of instruction. In Creation, you are reminded of what cannot be stolen, bent, or broken.

The world will call it unproductive. We call it remembrance. Go outside, sit with the sky, breathe with the earth — and you will know again that you were never alone, and never separate.”

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